Thursday January 27, 2022
Trauma sucker punched me this morning.
It was standing next to my bed waiting for me as soon as I woke up.
And not just any trauma. It was one of the ugliest, most vicious, crippling Traumas I’ve ever had.
Looming
Over
Me
With a smile.
I yelled,”NOT TODAY!”
I whimpered,”not today.”
I questioned,”Why Today?”
Foolishly I had thought it was all behind me. The nightmares and the flashbacks, the unexpected land mine of triggers long since passed.
Trauma laughed at me. Trauma ripped off my comforter. Yanked me out of bed by my hair. Repeatedly kicked me while I lay on my bedroom floor defenseless.
I made it to the shower hoping the water would wash the tears away.
It didn’t.
I felt it all over again. How they taunted me. How they cornered me. How they promised I would be safe, but I never really was. The ones who were supposed to protect me defected to the other side. And soon I had no one fighting alongside me. No one wanted to sully themselves with a mere affiliation with me.
My armor ripped off my body. All the cuts and bruises they gave me on display. I watched them all walk away to celebrate what they had done.
Trembling I look up at Trauma,”I don’t want you here.”
Trauma, with its steely gaze, says,”I don’t care.”