Laura Kaponer is 1 in 5

Originally published at https://www.blufftonsun.com/more-than-a-bad-habit-eating-disorders-are-destructive/ on Dec 14, 2021.

Eating disorders are an indiscriminate assassin relentless in pursuit with an arsenal of tactics to get the job done. Furthermore, eating disorders do not discriminate between age, assigned gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity or any other category society might divide people into. 

For those who are aware of their trauma, it’s often the depths of shame that create a barrier in reaching out for help. And in extreme cases this delay in intervention might cause irreparable psychological or physical damage.

As early as age 11, Aasiyah Holmes, from northern Georgia, developed a hyper awareness of her own body as compared to those of her peers. With an innocent curiosity, Holmes came across an eating disorder forum. She used the warning signs of eating disorders as a blueprint for her own behaviors. 

“It made an insecure, unstable girl feel strong and powerful. It gave me one thing to be happy with myself about,” Holmes said. “And that is what is most dangerous about it.” 

What might have started out as an attempt to lose some weight spiraled into something far more dangerous. For the next several years she became trapped in a cycle of restriction, purging and binging. 

Eating disorders are often oversimplified with suggestions of merely changing the sufferer’s eating habits. Unhelpful and hurtful advice to just eat more or eat less really just perpetuates the cycle of self abuse. The reality is it’s not truly about the food; the food is used as a means to control something far deeper going on. What makes eating disorders particularly difficult is that the very thing harming the sufferers is the same exact thing they need to survive.

Holmes delayed asking for help because she feared judgment. Another fear was those who would question the severity of her struggles. She tried to disengage with her eating disorder on her own, but that only resulted in multiple failed attempts at recovery. Even with the awareness of the harm she was causing herself, she felt overwhelmed by what it would take to break from those deeply ingrained habits. 

There came a point where Holmes realized her strongest chance at recovery was to fully admit to herself she needed outside support. Mustering the courage to open up about her eating disorder with those closest to her was met with compassion and genuine care, two things she realized she had denied showing towards herself.

“Learning healthy ways to cope with my anxieties is what pushed me forward,” she said. Holmes created a network of support to propel her towards learning how to care and accept herself. She understood that, beyond her loved ones, it was crucial to get professional help as well. 

An eating disorder is not necessarily a condition someone can fully recover from, but they can be in a healthy stage of ongoing recovery. Holmes still has to work at addressing all the years of disordered thinking. She discovered she had it within her to recognize and welcome the fighter within.

Laura Kaponer is a mental health advocate and social media blogger, as well as a volunteer with the local chapter of NAMI. #LauraKaponeris1in5 (as 1 in 5 Americans have a mental illness).

Originally published at https://www.blufftonsun.com/battling-food-morality-part-of-dealing-with-eating-disorders/ on Feb 16, 2021

Food morality has become a widely accepted concept among diet culture. Foods get placed in the opposing camps of “good” or “bad” with direct consequences based on the specific choices we make.

One such consequence is connecting the morality of food to our own values. If a person chooses the “bad” food then there must be something inherently bad or wrong with the person. These judgements can be within ourselves or come from those around us. 

At 14 years old, this concept took Heather Torino down the path of a lifelong battle with anorexia nervosa.

Through an eighth grade health class, Torino was exposed to the potential dangers of certain foods. She felt empowered when she began restricting herself. “I remember one specific situation where I was at my aunt’s house for a family gathering to celebrate someone’s birthday,” she said. “When it came time for cake and ice cream, I politely declined any. I still remember the sense of power that I felt from being able to deny the cake and ice cream.” 

This behavior escalated from special occasions to everyday life. Torino would only eat small bits of school lunch, then toss out the rest, use the excuse of gum chewing or freshly brushed teeth to avoid eating, and eating only foods labeled “fat free.”

Food morality comes into play in thinking that food full of fat or even being classified as fat is bad vs. its thin counterpart. Torino felt her food related behaviors would help correct her perceived “fatness.” 

It took the intervention of a school nurse for Torino’s parents to learn the full gravity of the situation. Her father cried as he expressed his very real fears of her eating disorder eventually killing her. At the age of 15, she began a comprehensive course of treatment with a team of medical professionals. 

Unfortunately at this time she wasn’t quite ready to commit to her recovery. She just went through the motions, telling everyone what she thought they wanted and needed to hear. 

Recovery is something individuals need to choose for themselves in order to be successful. It wasn’t until college that Torino was open to making that choice. She found a genuine connection with the psychologist to whom she was referred. 

She began to gain confidence in the person she was, far beyond what her eating disorder wanted her to believe. With the help of her psychologist and future husband she was challenged to figure out who she really was by stepping outside her comfort zone. 

Today, at 37, Torino is still on her journey. Recently she needed to reach out to her supports when she felt challenged with a drink order at Starbucks. “I feel like every day is a minor challenge,” she said. “While I am in recovery for anorexia, food will always be a bit of a struggle for me – with food and eating something being something I have to deal with everyday.” 

Now, however, Torino knows there is no link between the food she eats and her value as a person. 

Laura Kaponer is a mental health advocate and social media blogger, as well as a volunteer with the local chapter of NAMI. #LauraKaponeris1in5 (as 1 in 5 Americans have a mental illness).

Originally published at https://www.blufftonsun.com/standard-of-beauty-needs-to-change-not-our-bodies/ on Mar 15, 2021

For most of my life I believed I wasn’t beautiful. This was the narrative I was given until it became internalized as my absolute truth. 

I would never be the face on a beauty magazine. I would never be someone others aspired to look like. I was not the standard or even remotely close to the standard of beauty.

In my 40 years on this planet none of that has changed. 

I became OK with it, as I’m sure so many of us have. 

But, it’s not OK.

As I stare at my naked body in the mirror taking in the mixed terrain – the lumps and bumps, scars and stretch marks – I think to myself, “What about this isn’t beautiful?”

Hoping my skin was a different shade, my eyes another color, wishing for longer legs because this is a world not built for short people. Always wishing parts of my body were more than or less than or just altogether completely different.

Why did I accept that I was that bowl of porridge desperately wanting to be chosen because I was “just right”?

The fact that most  of us don’t fit the incredibly marginalized beauty standard doesn’t mean WE have to change. It means the beauty standard itself needs to change. 

Inclusivity in and of itself is beautiful. 

It means beauty isn’t just one thing that continues to make the rest of us feel inadequate. I don’t want to feel inadequate and I shouldn’t because I’m not. Neither are you.

Inclusivity means beauty is all the things. 

But for this standard to change, we have to change our thought process. We have to put away that beauty-measuring yard stick we weaponize between ourselves and others. We need to appreciate the uniqueness of each person’s beauty instead of comparing it to our own – as if one type of beauty is superior or inferior to the other. Believe me, this is a competition no one ever wins. 

Why are we so desperate to edit our own existence in an effort to duplicate another’s? 

It’s not OK that anyone different should be made to feel “less than.” Aside from the sheer shortness of my legs, there is nothing “less than” about them compared to longer ones. My short legs are capable of many great things.

My body is capable of many great things. Probably some I have yet to discover. 

My full-figured body tells the story of a person who is conquering her eating disorder. My body tells a story of my darker days when my mental illness wasn’t handled to the best of my abilities. My body tells the story of resilience, as my hair fell out more than once yet came back again. 

Why can’t I be an example of a new standard of beauty? Why can’t you?

Laura Kaponer is a mental health advocate and social media blogger, as well as a volunteer with the local chapter of NAMI. #LauraKaponeris1in5 (as 1 in 5 Americans have a mental illness).

Originally published https://www.blufftonsun.com/caregivers-need-support-as-much-as-those-being-cared-for/ on Apr 20,2021

Support systems create the foundation of any recovery. The more diversified the support system, the stronger the foundation. At the heart of some support systems are caregivers.

“In my world, caregivers are typically family members who provide care for their loved ones who suffer from serious psychiatric illnesses like schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder and major depression,” said Kathy Day, founder of the nonprofit organization Pro Caregiver Consultants.

Her journey began in 2010 when a family member developed schizophrenia. Day believed the best way she could support her family member was to educate herself on this lifelong condition. 

Unfortunately her initial discoveries were very disheartening. At the time, there were no tests to reveal the specific natures of the illness. Additionally, family members are often completely shut out of the treatment process if the one experiencing the illness is an adult. Treatment can be less effective without the full perspective of the situation. The irony is that family members get admonished for being too involved when their very involvement is so limited.

It was easy for Day to feel powerless when the system prevented her from helping someone who was too sick to help themselves. 

There are unique challenges a caregiver faces when their family member has a mental illness. “In no other illness do families have to call law enforcement to help get treatment for their loved one,” Day said. The mentally ill person might be taken away in handcuffs to a facility – which Day feels further criminalizes them, with strict visitor restrictions and having personal belongings searched when she is able to visit.

The added stigma of the nature of the illness is a contributing factor to “caregiver burnout.” With physical illnesses, often community members band together to offer an additional layer of support to the caregivers; however this is not the typical case when it’s a mental illness. 

There is such a deep misunderstanding as to what mental illness is and isn’t, including the validity of the severity of the health condition. Caregivers, just as much as those with the illness, need support too. It’s not always the condition itself that amplifies the burnout as much as the fractured system.

Day found the best support was seeking out others in her situation through avenues such as Facebook support groups. Through these private groups there was a feeling of safety to be transparent in her experiences while connecting with others who could relate. 

Day learned that certain behaviors she might have found jarring by her family member were actually quite common. There was a strength in shared experiences.

The best advice Day received early on in her caregiver journey was to depersonalize the process. Her loved one is an entire person outside of their illness. There is no blame to be given to either her loved one or herself. “You can hate the symptoms and still love the person,” she said. “You should, in fact.”

Laura Kaponer is a mental health advocate and social media blogger, as well as a volunteer with the local chapter of NAMI. #LauraKaponeris1in5 (as 1 in 5 Americans have a mental illness).

Originally published at https://www.blufftonsun.com/state-mental-health-program-seeks-to-start-conversations/ on May 17, 2021

An inpatient mental health stay placed the first stone on the path that would forever change Maria Beth Smith’s recovery journey.

Smith first became familiar with National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) during that stay. She learned that the presence of NAMI within a community created opportunities for advocacy, support and education through the programs they offered. This eventually led to her role as NAMI S.C. Regional Program Coordinator for Ending the Silence.

NAMI’s Ending the Silence initiative originated in Illinois to create real-life perspectives on mental illnesses to high school students. The once local program was then offered to NAMI National. The demand led Ending the Silence to spread to NAMI affiliates throughout the country. 

At this time there are three presentation versions available: Ending the Silence for Students, Ending the Silence for Families and Ending the Silence for School Staff. 

Smith describes Ending the Silence as an interactive and innovative program that starts with the community requesting it. The program is available to any group such as churches, schools, work places, or local organizations. The more people know, the more they can better help support those around them with mental illnesses.

The presentation is led by a two-person team. The youth presenter, an individual under the age of 31, shares their own mental health challenges in an effort to open a discussion among the audience. This is a safe atmosphere to ask questions someone might not have even known they could ask. The lead presenter facilitates a PowerPoint presentation with facts and videos.

For those questioning why such a program is even necessary, consider these statistics provided by The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH):

• 20% of all youth ages 13-18 experience mental illness each year

• half of these people never receive treatment

• half of all lifelong mental health conditions begin by age 14; 3/4 begin by age 24

“In many communities (mental health) has been a taboo subject because the origins of these conditions have been misunderstood. Ending the Silence emphasizes that mental health conditions are medical conditions just like other physical medical conditions,” Smith said.

This program educates the audience on how to recognize the signs and the symptoms of mental health disorders, statistics on mental health disorders in youth, ways to reduce stigma, recovery and coping strategies, suicide awareness and prevention and how to get help for yourself or a friend.

Resources are provided to all participants. Additionally, at the end of the program, anonymous evaluations are given out to improve the program as well as provide important data to the University of South Carolina. 

The most important resource to any NAMI program are the volunteers. Smith strongly encourages people to reach out to NAMI SC to help improve the impact Ending the Silence can have within the community. 

For more information, visit namisc.org/support-and-education and click on Ending the Silence.

Laura Kaponer is a mental health advocate and social media blogger, as well as a volunteer with the local chapter of NAMI. #LauraKaponeris1in5 (as 1 in 5 Americans have a mental illness).

Originally published at https://www.blufftonsun.com/expanded-mental-health-services-needed-for-lgbtq-community/ on Jun 15, 2021

In June 2019, the first Lowcountry Pride Celebration was held in Bluffton. Pride is about creating awareness and celebration in the LGBTQ+ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Questioning plus others) community. 

Stories of triumph, challenges and heartache were shared openly in an effort to expand a safe space for those who identify LGBTQ+, as well as their allies. Historically this community has been ostracized while continuing to have to fight for the same basic rights and privileges as their counterparts. Pride, in its essence, is about making room at the table for everyone.

Resources to provide adequate mental health services are scarce. Resources to provide these services to the LGBTQ+ community are even more so. 

According to Mental Health America (MHA), discrimination against this community has been associated with high rates of psychiatric disorders, substance abuse and suicide. Additionally MHA explains that mental health professionals’ stigma, lack of cultural sensitivity and unconscious or conscious reluctance to address sexuality might hamper the effectiveness of care. 

David Myrick II identifies within the community as a black gay male. Myrick serves as the LGBTQ+ subgroup leader for the national advocacy organization Rethinkstigma. In his role, he wants to support those in his community to live the most flourishing life possible. 

Myrick believes the best way to support this population is to provide education to the community at large about the humanity of the LGBTQ+ population. 

There are those who may believe LGBTQ+ is a mental illness and/or a choice. Myrick said, “I do not believe this is a choice. I truly believe we are born to be exactly who we are. However, I do believe it’s a choice to accept who you are and live your truth unapologetically.”

In regards to living one’s truth, the decision of “coming out” can be especially challenging. 

“Coming out” is a term used within the LGBTQ+ community as a way to publicly take ownership of your truth and be proud of who you are. This can be done on several levels, from a few trusted individuals to the public. When, where and how are completely an individual’s choice. 

“My experience with ‘coming out’ was hard. Growing up in a small town, being part of the LGBTQ+ community wasn’t accepted,” Myrick said. “It was a challenge that could potentially make you or break you. I had individuals come into my life and show me that it’s OK to be gay. I learned that I had to accept myself first before anyone else. I decided to live my truth because there’s freedom in living your truth. I’m happy with who I am and I wouldn’t change being part of an amazing community.” 

The acronym evolved from “LGB” to include transgenders, those questioning their identity, plus all others to create a rainbow of inclusivity. We as a larger community can support our peers through opening ourselves up to hear their voices and serve as allies to fight their double stigma.

Laura Kaponer is a mental health advocate, blogger and Certified Peer Support Specialist. Find her on social media by searching #Laurakaponeris1in5

Originally published at https://www.blufftonsun.com/to-break-cycle-of-suicide-we-must-start-a-conversation/ on Jul 20, 2021

“I am a family member of an individual who died by suicide,” said Maria Beth Smith of Summerville. “My son David, who was on the spectrum (autism) and extremely high functioning, did not want to be recognized as different from his peers. He wrote a letter declaring his ‘love’ for a young lady at school. She, not knowing how to respond, shared the letter with friends, who shared the content with others. Some of these students started teasing him. David came home from school and ended his life.”

Suicide is something we just don’t talk about. When we don’t talk about suicide, it’s impossible to understand the mindset of an individual experiencing thoughts, feelings or actions of suicide. Defining suicide as something ugly and shameful takes away a safe place to seek support – support that is necessary for both the individual at risk as well as their loved ones. 

How do we break this turbulent cycle?

We must start the conversation.

We need to approach the conversation of suicide with an open mind in order to break through any misconceptions or prejudices we might have. It’s important to know the “language” of suicide in order to have the conversation that will promote the greatest possibility of change. 

Previously it was said a person who took their life “committed suicide.” This strongly indicated that suicide was a deliberate choice. This also insinuated some level of malicious intent, such as a person who “commits” a crime. 

Suicide is a death caused by an illness. Now, the language of suicide reflects that with the term “died by suicide.”

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) warning signs might include:

• Talk: wanting to kill themselves, feeling hopeless or a burden, having no reason to live

• Behavior: increased use of substances, withdrawing from activities, giving away prized possessions, isolating from family and friend

• Mood: depression, anxiety, humiliation/shame, relief or sudden improvement 

Risk factors are characteristics and conditions that increase the likelihood of a suicide attempt. ASFP lists some possible risk factors: mental health conditions, substance use problems, serious physical health conditions, prolonged stress or harassment, and stressful life events such as divorce or financial crisis. 

“David didn’t have the typical warning signs for suicide, but he did have some risk factors,” his mother said. “David came from a ‘broken home’ – his parents were divorced. He had a family history of mental health conditions and suicide, a personal history of episodic depression, and was being harassed by his peers that day. He tended to be an introvert and not share his embarrassment or distress to anyone in the family when he got home from school.”

Knowing all the warning signs and risk factors isn’t a guarantee of suicide prevention. Often those left behind blame themselves for not doing or saying something. 

The most important thing to remember is that suicide is no one’s fault. We can take a proactive role to learn more and offer support where it’s needed. 

When someone dies by suicide, we all lose.

For more resources on this topic, visit SurvivorsofSuicide.com, Suicide Prevention Resource Center (sprc.org), Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (save.org).

Laura Kaponer is a mental health advocate and social media blogger, as well as a volunteer with the local chapter of NAMI. #LauraKaponeris1in5 (as 1 in 5 Americans have a mental illness).

Originally Published at https://www.blufftonsun.com/the-bridge-of-understanding-mental-physical-disability/ on Aug 17, 2021

As a person with invisible mental disabilities, can I relate to someone with visible physical disabilities?

I definitely don’t believe in a disability hierarchy. There is no disability more valid or deserving of services than others. There’s a variety of challenges the disabled community shares as a whole. At the very same time there are some challenges unique to specific disabilities. 

I’ve never had a physical disability, but I have had physical impairments. And this is my bridge.

In 2008, I was in a car accident that should have killed me. My compact car was crushed between two much larger cars. Fortunately I walked away with relatively minor injuries. 

My side airbag deployed directly on my left arm. As a result, I lost all use of that arm. In this moment it became very real to me how much I had taken for granted having two fully functioning arms in a world built for two-armed people. 

Suddenly everything seemed insurmountable: getting dressed, preparing a meal, and even simple hygiene tasks. Showing up to work with clothes not fully buttoned or zipped and hair not completely combed was the least of it. The reality was that things had to get done and it was up to me to make them happen.

The uncertainty of it all made me the most frustrated. Was this a permanent condition? To what degree could I heal? What were possible long-term limitations? These unanswered questions created a heavy emotional burden. 

I was prescribed physical therapy. It was there that I had to relearn everything. There was a fine motor skills exercise in which I had to use tweezers to pick up grains of sand. There were conditioning exercises to prevent atrophy. There were machines to send shock waves up my arm to “wake up” the nerves. These all had varying degrees of success. 

I had to accept there were certain things I couldn’t do without assistance from someone else. There were other things I could do on my own, yet much slower and less effectively. 

I was beyond frustrated that my arm just couldn’t do things like it used to. I definitely had the “why me?” and “this isn’t fair” moments. A whole lot of them.

Eventually, with a lot of work, I got better. Mostly better. My left arm will never be what it was before the accident because some of the nerve damage is irreversible. From the shoulder down to the elbow I’m hypersensitive. From the elbow down to my fingertips I have lost some feeling. 

Often my arm just randomly goes limp and lifeless for no apparent reason. Other times I get shooting pains like fireworks under my skin. 

I do not consider my left arm a physical disability. I consider this a physical impairment or a physical limitation. Next time I’m in a room and the question is asked, “Who can relate to a physical disability?” I’ll be sure to raise my left arm. 

Laura Kaponer is a mental health advocate and social media blogger, as well as a volunteer with the local chapter of NAMI. #LauraKaponeris1in5 (as 1 in 5 Americans have a mental illness).

Originally published at https://www.blufftonsun.com/by-speaking-up-about-mental-illness-recovery-can-begin/ on Sep 13, 2021.

According to Mental Health America, 1 in 5 Americans will have a diagnosable mental illness within a given year.

This means 1 in 5 of your neighbors, loved ones and community. You cannot tell by looking at us who we are. Stigma can keep us from openly sharing this part of ourselves.

My name is Laura Kaponer, and I am 1 in 5.

In 2015 I relocated here from New York after falling into a horrible mental illness episode. I found comfort starting fresh among people who didn’t know this part of me. I wanted to leave this part of me behind in New York.

Quietly, I began attending NAMI Lowcountry Connections meetings. I was hoping to find solidarity in people like me and at the same time convince myself that I wasn’t really like “those people.” I bought into the stigma of all the horrible things people with mental illnesses are.

I was ashamed.

All this denial and silence crippled my recovery. My behavior was reinforcing that there was something inherently wrong with me and my peers.

I would laugh at the jokes about mental illness coworkers made. It was important to blend in and separate myself from those with mental illnesses.

In 2018 everything changed. After abruptly resigning from a toxic job, I attended my third annual NAMI South Carolina Conference. Although I had always appreciated these events, this time was different. Brave people shared stories of loved ones, as professionals, and as the 1 in 5.

I realized I needed to add my voice as well.

The only way I was going to do this was with full transparency. I wanted to share my triumphs as well as my perceived failures. I knew there would be risks: employers might not hire me, relationships might end, and there might be judgments from my community. Yet, I had to do it. I had to show my peers we don’t need to hide in the shadows.

There was nothing to be ashamed of.

It started slowly by opening up on social media. The positive response was overwhelming. This motivated me to contact every local publication expressing the importance of mental health advocacy and education. As expected, almost all of them ignored me.

However, two publications enthusiastically supported me. This newspaper was one of them. The editors felt what I had to say was worth hearing. I was encouraged to branch out beyond my own recovery experiences to share those of others.

It was my honor to write about substance use disorder, bipolar, eating disorders, service animals, and dissociative identity disorder as well as other topics.

NAMI has this principle of support: “We find strength in sharing experiences.” I always interpreted that as the strength we find in the commonality with our peers. Now I believe the scope is much larger than that. It gives those 1 in 5 a voice.

I am Laura Kaponer and I am proud to be 1 in 5.

Laura Kaponer is a mental health advocate and social media blogger, as well as a volunteer with the local chapter of NAMI. #LauraKaponeris1in5.